Introverts are a gift

As is the case with many items on my blog, this post was inspired by the writings of Jim Lehmer.

We introverted, less social-butterflyesque individuals often feel guilty about our tendency to either avoid certain large gatherings or hide in the midst of them. I think the reason we tend to feel guilty is because of perceived social mores: one is expected to make small talk, interact with many people, and enjoy groups just for the sake of being with people. This is especially true in “Christian” circles, because of that dreaded hijacking of the term fellowship by the institution.

It’s easy for a Sanguine to pick up on the perceived social aspects in this wrongly defined fellowship. The Sanguine is always looking for more people, more social opportunities, and more excitement. Have you ever been talking with someone who asked you a question about yourself and then as soon as you began to answer you could see them scanning the room looking for someone else to approach? This is a classic outgoing Sanguine. They just can’t help it. Sanguines love the institutional definition of fellowship and can’t understand why everyone else doesn’t get on board with it. From there, it is all too easy to ascribe someone else’s lack of desire to interact in this way to a spiritual deficiency, and since this is all some people have been taught, the introverted melancholy starts believing they’re slackers too.

But that’s a lie! We are not slackers! And we are not violating some commandment of God because we’re not into the whole socializing thing. I remember when Darin and I finally realized that it was OK for us to be who God made us to be. We are melancholy. When we could start to see that God made us that way FOR A GOOD REASON, we could finally stop feeling guilty about who we are. And that made it easier to realize that fellowship IS NOT HANGING AROUND AT SOCIAL EVENTS AND DOING SMALL TALK.

Fellowship is what you already have if you are a believer. And so if you are a Sanguine believer, you will seek out the kind of opportunities for *expression of fellowship* (not fellowship, because you already have that) that seem right to you. And if you are a melancholy believer, it may be more difficult sometimes to find an expression of fellowship because, hey, we’re not always scanning the crowd looking for our next opportunity to “people up.” And that’s OK.

But most of us don’t realize it’s OK because we’ve been Hebrews 10:25′ed over the head for so long with the institutional interpretation of this passage. Let’s unpack that real quick. Looking at the Youngs Literal Translation, we are given: “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together…” OK, who is doing what in this sentence fragment? Let’s see. You and I are “not forsaking.” And who is “assembling” or “building” his church? That’s right, Jesus. And who is his church? Yes, that’s right: “ourselves” in this sentence. So, unpacked, what this little sentence fragment says is “don’t resist Jesus as he is building his church, putting each piece of the body where he sees fit.”

Somewhere along the line, we got so wrapped up in our church traditions that we thought we needed to change what the Bible said, “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together…” to something that fit in with our notions a bit better: “don’t give up meeting together.” We took the responsibility for assembling the pieces away from Jesus and gave it to church leaders. And then we took that and starting beating up all the melancholy people and forcing them into the institutional box. To me, what that looks like is, we just don’t trust Jesus to build his church as he sees fit, so we have to jump in there and manipulate and control people to make sure they’re doing what we somehow have come to believe is the right thing when it comes to living life as a Jesus-follower.

But God made us different, on purpose. Melancholies have a deep, deep love for humanity and a deep compassion for the hurting people in this world. Melancholies think deeply about issues and concerns, and look deep inside to examine themselves in light of the ideal that Jesus left for us. Because of that, Melancholies don’t do small talk well. And that’s OK, just like it’s OK to be a Sanguine and enjoy small talk. What’s not OK is to look down on someone else because they’re not the same as you, or to beat yourself up because you’re different. Hanging out with people can take many different forms: one or two people, or a “small group,” or a few dozen people, or hundreds if that’s what you’re into, and each form is but one *expression of fellowship.*

Jesus is assembling us together as he sees fit. Forsaking that can be either rejecting the leading of the Spirit to connect with someone, or it can be taking matters into your own hands and creating Frankenfellowship.

This is getting really long, but I just saw another really clear application of the free woman/slave woman analogy. Remember how God told Abram, as recorded in Genesis 15, “Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”

And then God had Abram waiting. A long time. And Sarai, his wife, started thinking maybe it was time to make something happen. So she told Abram in Genesis 16, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Do you see how we take God’s promise of connection with fellow believers, and if we don’t see it happening, we take matters into our own hands? Perhaps I can build a family through…. my own works.

And God let them go ahead with that plan, but it didn’t work too well. Ishmael, the child of the slave girl, became the father of descendants “too numerous to count,” but they were not God’s chosen people. Finally when Abram was NINETY-NINE YEARS OLD, God said it was time. And Sarai laughed at God. Oh, now you’re going to tell me that it’s time for me to bear a child? Now? Do you know how long it’s been since…

Sometimes we might have to wait for our expression of God’s promise, in this case fellowship. Don’t be nervous. Don’t be concerned what they say about you. Don’t settle for the slave child, for Pete’s sake. Let’s keep reminding ourselves that a real move of God is worth waiting for.

Tags: abram, extrovert, fellowship, god's promises, hagar, introvert, isaac, melancholy, sanguine, sarai, socialization, temperament