I wrote about kids the other day, and how they have to find and follow their own ideals. It just doesn’t work to traipse into the big wide world wearing your parents’ convictions. I said that it is important to find those before you head out. And I insinuated that as parents we need to help our kids make that switch.I was wrong.
Well, I was wrong on one thing. (That doesn’t sound too prideful, does it?) And when I found out that I was wrong, I felt my paradigm move, click, and lock into a new position.
It happened this past weekend. Darin and I stopped by to see some friends. We needed them; we needed to hear what they had to say and we needed to share some “body life” time with them. These two friends are truly elders - you know the kind - they would not want to be appointed to such an office, but they just “are” elders, regardless of whether a church CEO has decided they are or not. Besides that, we just like them and we like how the Spirit is expressed through them.
I know that my friend doesn’t read my blog, so when she basically started reiterating the contents of my post on ideals to me, it really got my attention, and Darin’s. It was as if she’d co-written the post with me. Kids need to find their own cornerstone. They need to figure out who they really are and what Jesus means to them, and they need to identify and take ownership of their convictions. There are no “grandchildren” in the faith. But when she got to the part about how this process happens, that’s when God really dropped a bombshell on me. You see, she said that they have to experience a crisis of faith in order to develop their own identity as a believer.
That’s where our paradigms parted ways. She’s already been through faith crises with several of her children. And unbeknownst to her, she made me see that we can’t gently shepherd our kids through their dark night of the soul. Every one of them has their own journey to take and make. Sometimes that journey is fairly mild and painless. They “get it” pretty quickly. Other times, with other people, it takes a big stumble or a huge veering off course before things get righted. It might happen while they’re still living at home, or it might happen when they move out. The thing is, God knows what it is going to take for each person to figure out that they’re a prodigal son or daughter.
And he’s willing to let it happen.
And it’s not my fault.
If my child veers way off course in his journey to his ideals, it is not my fault.
Paradigm shift.
Because there’s no way for someone to be dropped off right in front of their convictions, so that all they have to do is step over some magical spiritual threshold and there they are. No pain, no gain. Something like making the kid earn their own money for the Ford Mustang so they’ll appreciate it… If daddy buys it for them, they’ll just take it out and crash it.
It’s not up to us parents to take responsibility for our kids’ faith crises, or to try to steer them through it, whenever it happens (we’re not in control of when it happens, either, by the way.) It’s up to us to simply love our kids on their journey and trust God to get them through it.
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